by Jean E. Graham

It wasn’t a mistake, but I’ve had second thoughts.

I wasn’t aware how this growth could control my life. I am affected physically, emotionally, and mentally. My hormones and my energy level, constant backache and fatigue all hinder my concentration on work. And of course all this affects my interpersonal relationships as well.

The worst is that I know that my choices and opportunities will become more and more limited by mundane responsibilities. And this state may last for years.

All this trouble for something which can’t be considered human yet. After all, it can’t function independently of me. Its thought processes are debatable, even if it CAN feel, does it have any memory of its experiences? My cat is just as “human,” and I would have HIM put to sleep if I thought it necessary.

The “alternatives”? I can continue to support a lump of tissue that feeds off my resources, limits my choices and provokes my anger and resentment. How could I conceal my negative feelings from the child? How could I keep from hitting it? I can put it up for adoption – but I’m too selfish to act as someone’s surrogate mother. If I wanted to go to all this trouble, it would have to be for myself.

Besides, these “solutions” just aren’t fast enough. I want relief NOW. A safe and painless medical procedure, and my life can get back to normal.

I’ve made my choice. Now if I can only find a doctor willing to rid me of my toddler.

Jean Graham is a university professor and active with Feminists For Life of Ohio.